Les plus vieilles jokes du monde

Moi qui ai toujours cru que nos lointains ancêtres n'utilisaient l'écriture que pour des trucs sérieux et importants, comme les récits de guerres ou des compte-rendus d'emprunts et de dettes.


Ben non, ils écrivaient des jokes aussi! Et la plus vieille blague écrite du monde a 3900 ans.


Voici les dix plus vieilles jokes du monde, telles que publiées dans Libération et sur UKTV (c'est pour cette raison qu'il y en a en anglais):


1-La très sérieuse université de Wolwerhampton, en Angleterre, a publié ce jeudi le classement des dix plaisanteries les plus anciennes du monde. Et la plus vieille blague, si on peut appeler ça ainsi, date de 1900 avant Jésus-Christ et suggère que l'humour scatologique était déjà en vogue chez les Sumériens, un peuple qui vivait dans ce qui est aujourd'hui le sud de l'Irak.
L'inscription, une fois traduite, signifie ceci: «Une chose qui n'est jamais arrivée depuis des temps immémoriaux: une jeune femme s'est retenue de péter sur les genoux de son mari.»


2-En deuxième place, on retrouve une blague égyptienne qui date de 1600 avant JC, qui évoque le pharaon Snofru: «Comment divertir un pharaon qui s'ennuie? Tu fais voguer sur le Nil un bateau ayant pour toute cargaison des jeunes femmes simplement vêtues de filets de pêche et tu presses le pharaon d'aller à la pêche.»


3-Three ox drivers from Adab were thirsty: one owned the ox, the other owned the cow and the other owned the wagon's load. The owner of the ox refused to get water because he feared his ox would be eaten by a lion; the owner of the cow refused because he thought his cow might wander off into the desert; the owner of the wagon refused because he feared his load would be stolen. So they all went. In their absence the ox made love to the cow which gave birth to a calf which ate the wagon's load. Problem: Who owns the calf?! (1200 BC)


4-A woman who was blind in one eye has been married to a man for 20 years. When he found another woman he said to her, "I shall divorce you because you are said to be blind in one eye." And she answered him: "Have you just discovered that after 20 years of marriage!?" (Egyptian circa 1100 BC)


5-Odysseus tells the Cyclops that his real name is nobody. When Odysseus instructs his men to attack the Cyclops, the Cyclops shouts: "Help, nobody is attacking me!" No one comes to help. (Homer. The Odyssey 800 BC)


6-Question: What animal walks on four feet in the morning, two at noon and three at evening? Answer: Man. He goes on all fours as a baby, on two feet as a man and uses a cane in old age (Appears in Oedipus Tyrannus and first performed in 429 BC)


7-Man is even more eager to copulate than a donkey - his purse is what restrains him (Egyptian, Ptolemaic Period 304 BC – 30 BC)


8-Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued he asked: "Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?" "No your Highness," he replied, "but my father was." (Credited to the Emporer Augustus 63 BC – 29 AD)


9-Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer him any food. When the donkey died of hunger, he said "I've had a great loss. Just when he had learned not to eat, he died." (Dated to the Philogelos 4th /5th Century AD)


10-Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied: "In silence." (Collected in the Philogelos or "Laughter-Lover" the oldest extant jest book and compiled in the 4th/5th Century AD)


Autre blague d'un autre âge, celle-ci: «Qu'est-ce qui pend sur la cuisse d'un homme et aime à pénétrer dans un trou dans lequel il a l'habitude de pénétrer ? Réponse: une clé.» Soit la plus vieille blague anglaise, qui date du Xe siècle.


Des jokes de sexe, de flatulences, de mariage... plus ça change, plus c'est pareil! Trouvé via le blogue de Martineau.